I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
