There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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