they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
