I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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