he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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