She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
