so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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