I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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