the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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