so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
