I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Pants are for mortals
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
