Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
