Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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