A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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