i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
