I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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