my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
