apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
