just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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