i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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