hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
