If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
