she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't tell me you're on acid again
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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