lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Come share oat with me in your robe
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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