She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
