I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
