mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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