I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
