just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
