eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
