I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
