I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
