The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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