They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
