Screwed.edu
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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