rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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