My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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