He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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