The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
