hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
nutella sex= disaster
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
