did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
