Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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