She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
