At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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