It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
