I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
nutella sex= disaster
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
