His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
