Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
