Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
