Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
