Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
