My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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